I just got to blog this time because of certain circumstances. Circumstances I can't do something about. I feel frustrated and helpless.
****
I grew up doing things not because I really want to do that or the initiative comes from me. Things were imposed on me. I was passive and dependent. So all that I did was to do the "better". "You should do this because this is better" or "This should be the good step for that" or perhaps, "Don't do this because what do you think will the people will say if you do" (a logically invalid reason I think). . . blah blah blah. I grew up living to expectations, trying to please everybody. Now I realized I was pathetic. What were I thinking?
I think it would be more satisfying on my part to accomplish things because it is not imposed nor dictated.
I just got to do something. I need to decide on my own.
I'm Benjie. I'm in my last year of being a teenager. And I'll definitely miss it. I now know what to do with my life but I don't know which way will I use to achieve that. I love classical music. I'm so into Studio 23's CHARMED (Those three witches rock)as well as GREY'S ANATOMY. I can spend too much time like 12 hours straight on the computer. I wish I knew how to play violin. Someday, I would learn that. I'm a techie person. I could be really smart. And I could be really stupid, as well. I hate my hair. I hate my self confidence being low. When I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, I often prefer not to ask questions. I rely on my intuitions (and it often works for me).