I was on my way to Batangas city proper and was on board a Supreme bus. That was the disgusting trip I've ever had. Aside from the fact that the bus really stinks, it was so old that it may self-destruct when you give it a slight nudge. To add more on my suffering, a man sitting behind me lights a cigarette. What the hell is he doing? Does he know that it is prohibited to puff a smoke inside a public vehicle? Grrrr.... He puffs smoke as if he is holding a cock ready for arena fighting. I can't tell him that 'cause I don't want to be scandalous. Thank God I was about to get off.
I just got to blog this time because of certain circumstances. Circumstances I can't do something about. I feel frustrated and helpless.
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I grew up doing things not because I really want to do that or the initiative comes from me. Things were imposed on me. I was passive and dependent. So all that I did was to do the "better". "You should do this because this is better" or "This should be the good step for that" or perhaps, "Don't do this because what do you think will the people will say if you do" (a logically invalid reason I think). . . blah blah blah. I grew up living to expectations, trying to please everybody. Now I realized I was pathetic. What were I thinking?
I think it would be more satisfying on my part to accomplish things because it is not imposed nor dictated.
I just got to do something. I need to decide on my own.
This has been my first attempt to spill out my inner self through blog. This is getting to be exasperating for me. I am not a writer but I love to write (not so frequent, though). Hope I can manage to tweak some settings here even if I'm not good when it comes to it.
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My life has been so boring. I still don't know what to do with my life. I wish mine were as interesting as others. I'm sick and tired of routines, of redundancies, of complacencies. I want to do things I haven't done. I want to be independent.
I'm Benjie. I'm in my last year of being a teenager. And I'll definitely miss it. I now know what to do with my life but I don't know which way will I use to achieve that. I love classical music. I'm so into Studio 23's CHARMED (Those three witches rock)as well as GREY'S ANATOMY. I can spend too much time like 12 hours straight on the computer. I wish I knew how to play violin. Someday, I would learn that. I'm a techie person. I could be really smart. And I could be really stupid, as well. I hate my hair. I hate my self confidence being low. When I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, I often prefer not to ask questions. I rely on my intuitions (and it often works for me).